Hylke Faber, CEO and Coach at Growth Leaders Network & award-winning author of Taming Your Crocodiles: Unlearn Fear & Become a True Leader.
What helps leaders and teams grow and perform consistently, especially when challenged? We all know IQ, intelligence quotient, and EQ, emotional quotient. Yet these two intelligences might not be enough to bring about consistent, high performance and growth.
Having worked with hundreds of teams over the years, I noticed another intelligence that helps teams succeed and last—connectedness with their authentic selves, each other and their purpose. I call it the connectedness quotient (CQ.) CQ goes beyond IQ and EQ. CQ is the anchor that helps us stand together, especially when things get tough.
Consider a team that has trust issues. People might have sidebar conversations and not really participate in team meetings. They optimize individual success at the expense of shared success, hoard resources for sub-teams, blame others for failures and fall short of team commitments.
If your team was faced with these types of challenges, what could you do to restore cohesion and connectedness?
As a first step, it’s important to take a step back, acknowledge there is a problem and choose to do something about it. On your journey to intentionally create cohesion, I recommend focusing on the three dimensions of connectedness: I (self); we (relationships); and it (purpose).
Connecting With Others: Practice Compassionate Openness
Start by being honest about how your team is working together. What mindsets and behaviors are standing in the way of trust and success? What new patterns can you practice instead? Develop “From-to’s” to focus your development on, such as:
• From disingenuous alignment to fierce debate and commitment.
• From siloes to supporting each other’s success.
• From blaming each other to taking responsibility.
This is a first step. Yet how is anything really going to change? We don’t develop muscle if we just buy some weights. We must lift them regularly. Ask yourself and your team these questions.
• On a scale from 1-10, how much are you able to stay open and compassionate when listening to someone you disagree with? What would happen if you made it a 10?
• On a scale from 1-10, how openly do you share what you deeply care about? What becomes possible for you to share when you let go of the fear of judgment and focus on contributing the gift of your perspective instead?
Recognize that fear can lead you to work in siloes and to judge and blame each other. Release any I-will-do-it-myself-because-I-don’t-trust-you, fear-based mindsets. Commit to having open conversations and continue practicing these, especially on hot topics. Releasing judgment and fear opens the door to courageous collaboration.
Connecting With Self: Commit To The 1% Principle
The journey doesn’t stop there. How can you and your teams avoid falling into old patterns? Each team member needs to learn to take responsibility for their fear-based tendencies and interact from a more grounded, connected place instead. We call this the 1% principle. Even if 99% of what happens is not what you want, you can always choose your response to what is happening, your 1%. You can choose your mindset, no matter what.
Consider asking yourself and your team members these questions.
• On a scale from 1-10, how present are you? A 10 is being totally here right now, at this moment; a 1 equals being totally somewhere else, distracted by whatever is going on. By becoming more present, you may experience a greater sense of peace, ease, warmth, perspective and clarity. By being present, we can become aware of what we truly value.
• What limiting beliefs disconnect you from presence and drive your disconnecting behaviors? Typical limiting beliefs include “I should be perfect or else I will be rejected,” “I should be on top of everything all the time; otherwise I will fail,” and “I should always please my boss; otherwise I will lose everything.” We tend to learn these beliefs growing up. That means we can also unlearn these limiting ways of thinking.
• Who would you be without your limiting thinking? How can you respond differently? We tend to experience freedom, compassion and courage letting go of limiting thoughts. Letting go of limiting thinking, we develop inner clarity and space from which we can commit to what we truly value, for example, compassion, courage, creativity and making an impact together.
When stressed and caught up in ego thinking, we worry and get lost in the movies of our minds. By practicing the 1% principle, we can take 100% responsibility for our inner landscape and choose presence and living our values instead.
Connecting With Purpose: Serve Unconditionally
What are you in service of? Notice service has a very different energy than getting and controlling. For example, controlling to get something makes me unstable. I am happy when I get what I want and unhappy when I don’t. Trying to control something, I make my strength and well-being dependent on it. Outer circumstances don’t dictate whether I can be of service. Service is something I can choose, no matter what. That is why we call it unconditional service.
Consider making service an explicit element of your team’s routine. For example, check in with each other at the beginning of meetings: How do I intend to contribute to this meeting?
Contribution feels good. Team members who serve together are likely happier and far more effective than those who go at it alone.
Connected Teamwork Practices
How can you build CQ in your team? Explore these three practices.
1. Compassionate Openness: Let go of judgment and be fiercely honest, especially with “difficult” team members.
2. The 1% Principle: Take responsibility for your inner landscape. Even if 99% of the situation is not what you want, how can you bring your best self, your 1%, to it? Let go of limiting thinking. Be here now and present to what is important.
3. Unconditional Service: Clarify your purpose. What is the real purpose of your team? How can you serve your purpose together even more, no matter what?
Enjoy these practices and the connectedness that comes through them.
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