Sometimes, one-on-one conversations between managers and employees cover sensitive topics that can bring up a lot of emotions for employees, whether they are receiving constructive criticism or need to discuss a problem that is affecting their productivity, performance or morale with their manager.
When emotions run high, it is crucial for managers to take the right steps to ensure conversations are productive by creating a safe and supportive space for open and honest communication. Below, 18 Forbes Coaches Council members discuss proactive approaches managers can use to foster emotional intelligence and psychological safety in the workplace, leading to healthier employee-manager relationships and higher performance and job satisfaction.
1. Suggest A Change Of Environment
Sometimes, a change of scenery can help shift the dynamics of a conversation. If possible, go outside for a walk or go to a comfortable and quiet place in the office. Shifting the physical environment allows us to shift emotionally as well. A change of place can help to reduce the tension and create a more relaxed atmosphere. – Dorota Klop-Sowinska, DoSo! Coaching
2. Recognize When Someone Is Triggered
It’s important to know when someone becomes triggered—really triggered—emotionally. Then, understand it will take at least 20 minutes for them to get grounded again. You cannot shorten that time frame once they have been triggered. First, determine how high emotions are running and then decide if it is better to reschedule the conversation for when you can both participate in a more productive way. – Neena Newberry, Newberry Solutions
3. Acknowledge And Validate Employees’ Feelings
Acknowledge and validate the employee’s feelings by saying something along the lines of, “I can see that your emotions are running high about this issue. I understand.” It shows you respect and accept their feelings and are truly listening. If the employee feels heard and understood, they will be far more willing to have an open discussion and move toward a resolution. – Angela Sedran, The Business Growth Accelerator
4. Show Empathy
You must acknowledge what the person is thinking and feeling. It doesn’t require agreement. Showing empathy is one of the quickest ways to make someone feel heard and build trust during a conversation. When this happens, the individual no longer feels the need to defend themselves. They start to relax, and they’re able to hear your message differently. – Justin Patton, The Trust Architect Group
5. Ask Open-Ended Questions To Clarify What’s Going On
A manager’s realization that an employee’s emotions are “running high” is their perception of the situation. If they get a sense that something is going on with the employee, the most useful approach is to ask, for example, “I get a sense that there is something going on with you. What is coming up for you right now?” This gives the employee the opportunity to verbalize exactly what they are experiencing. – Cath Daley, Cath Daley Ltd
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6. Be Cognizant Of Your Own Emotions
As the manager, take a deep breath and pause to let the person finish what they are saying. Check in with your own emotions as the receiver. As neutrally and calmly as possible, you could say something as simple as, “I hear you. Would it work if we take a 10-minute pause, regroup and talk about how we can move forward with this issue? Let me know if there is anything I can help you with.” – Cellene Hoogenkamp, KokuaHub Inc
7. Establish The Needs Of All Parties Involved
When tensions run high with a direct report, the manager may want to consider taking a break, changing their tone of voice and asking, “What do we need from this conversation?” This approach will reduce the tension in their communication and create a more sustainable, conversational environment. – Karina Ochis, Prof. Dr. Karina Ochis
8. Meet People Where They Are Without Judgment
As humans, we should always seek to understand and meet people where they are without judgment. So, stop the conversation and ask a question, such as, “It looks like you are dealing with something from the look on your face and body language. What’s going on that I should know about?” Pause and let them talk. Always ask a follow-up question, such as, “What else is going on?” Let them do the talking, and listen. – Alex Draper, DX Learning Solutions
9. Take A Short Break And Reconvene
Opt to take a moment to step away, and then reconvene. This break in the pattern allows energies to shift on both sides and will allow the employee to reduce the anxiety they’re feeling at the time, gather their thoughts and become more coherent. This break could be as short as five minutes, and it will likely ensure a better outcome than continuing with the original, emotionally charged chat would. – Arthi Rabikrisson, Prerna Advisory
10. Monitor Your Voice And Body Language
Breathe, and monitor your body language, tone and tenor of voice. Ask the employee if they are okay. Share that you value what they have to say and their feelings and that you are there to listen and help. This is not a competition of offense and defense, but rather an environment where teamwork and truly listening will matter most. Gain mutual agreement on what a successful outcome would look like. – Denise Russo, Maxwell Leadership
11. Identify The Source Of Their Feelings And Collaborate On A Solution
The first step a manager should take when a direct report’s emotions are high is to acknowledge and validate their feelings. This creates a safe and empathetic space for the employee to express themselves. Once emotions are addressed, the manager can work with the employee to identify the source of their feelings and collaboratively find a solution. – Jonathan H. Westover, Ph.D, Human Capital Innovations, LLC
12. Demonstrate Behavioral And Emotional Agility
To ensure a productive conversation with an emotionally charged direct report, a manager should demonstrate behavioral and emotional agility. Adapt your communication style, regulate your emotions, listen actively and create a safe space. Addressing underlying concerns fosters productivity and supports the employee’s emotional well-being. – Andre Shojaie, HumanLearn
13. Pause, Take A Breath And Assess The Timing
The first step a manager should take is to intentionally pause, take a deep breath and then assess if this is the right time to continue this conversation. Is it a time-sensitive issue that must be addressed now, or can it wait until both parties are given time to prepare? Giving people time to collect their thoughts and emotions, whenever possible, is the key to having the best conversations. – Jill Helmer, Jill Helmer Consulting
14. Thank Them For Their Commitment And Reiterate Yours
A leader should initiate pausing the conversation when a team member’s emotions start to run high. The leader should then do the following: First, thank the employee for their commitment, then communicate your commitment to reaching a productive resolution. Finally, discuss the best time to circle back to collectively arrive at the best objective result possible. – Robin Pou, The Confident Leader
15. Remind The Employee To Assume Positive Intent
When a direct report’s emotions run high, it is recommended that a manager remind the direct report to concentrate on the facts of the situation and assume positive intent, which often diffuses the situation. – Carmelina Piedra, CareerCoachingPro
16. Apply Emotional Intelligence
Move from empathy to compassion. Use coaching techniques. Move the employee out of the fight-or-flight mode by validating how they feel and making them feel heard and seen. Create an emotional connection through validation and trust, then move to include them in developing solutions or changes. – Sahar Andrade, MB.BCh, Sahar Consulting, LLC
17. Give Them Time To Calm Down And Process Emotions
Acknowledge that the employee seems to be experiencing a high level of emotion and suggest taking a pause of 10 to 15 minutes so that the employee has time to calm down. The employee will benefit from time to process their emotions, which can defuse the conversation and prevent the employee from saying anything they may come to regret. – Michael Timmes, Insperity
18. Label The Situation As What It Is
The first step is to label the situation as what it is: Put into words what you are witnessing the employee experience and what they feel, then step back mentally and take a long pause. If the employee chooses to proceed with the conversation—they are looking for closure, not a solution—suggest that you park it for now and start from where you left off the next day. – Alla Adam, Alla Adam Coaching
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