Love and infatuation are often confused, especially during the initial, undefined phase of a romantic relationship. But they are distinct emotional experiences with different dynamics and outcomes.
Infatuation can be described as an intense passion or crush on someone, characterized by an idealized perception of the person and an intense desire for their attention and affection. While love encompasses a deeper emotional connection and long-term commitment, infatuation tends to be short-lived and focused primarily on physical attraction and the excitement of a new relationship.
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Infatuation can lead to disappointment when reality fails to match the perfect image we have created in our minds. The intense emotions and fantasies associated with infatuation can cloud our judgment and prevent us from seeing the person as they truly are.
Here are four signs that indicate you may be infatuated rather than in love.
1. You See and Expect Perfection
In the initial stages of infatuation, our perception of the person we are attracted to is often filtered through rose-tinted glasses. We tend to fixate on their positive qualities and might disregard any flaws. However, as time progresses, we gradually come to see their shortcomings (yes, everyone has them) which can shatter our illusion of perfection.
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Considering that their delicate ‘perfect vision’ will eventually fade, you can instead focus your energy on getting to know them deeply. Instead of fawning over them or putting all your effort into courting them, you can let curiosity lead the way.
This way, you can willfully take the infatuation blindfold off and not let your feelings overwhelm you. More importantly, when you see and accept a person completely, along with their flaws, it might set the foundation for a deeper, longer-lasting relationship wherein your partner isn’t just the object of your attraction, but a person you care about deeply and respect.
2. You Have Persistent and Intrusive Thoughts
Infatuation often consumes our thoughts and occupies our minds to such an extent that it becomes challenging to maintain focus on other aspects of our lives. Our newfound love becomes an ever-present force, appearing in our daydreams and fantasies, even when we try to distract ourselves.
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One study published in Cognition and Emotion found that individuals with higher levels of attachment to their romantic partner may have a reduced ability to adapt their cognitive control (the ability to adjust their behavior or decision-making) in response to changing situations or after making errors. This could have implications in everyday life, as it may affect an individual’s ability to effectively regulate their behavior and make decisions.
Rather than letting infatuation take over your life, turn your attention inward and focus on personal growth that grounds you to reality. It is advisable to confide your newfound attraction towards this person to a friend to add a layer of objectivity to your perspective. Your friend (or any trusted loved one) can check you when you are going overboard and hold you accountable to show up to other parts of your life.
3. You Drop Everything for Them
Infatuation blurs personal boundaries and leads us to prioritize our newfound love above all else. We willingly sacrifice our needs and interests, striving to fit into their world. As we yearn for every moment of their presence, the temptation to compromise our goals, hobbies, and our commitments to our social circle becomes difficult to resist. However, this excessive focus in the pursuit of a fleeting emotional connection can drive us to neglect our own lives.
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For instance, when we neglect friendships and other relationships for the sake of this new person, we risk isolation and fading social support. We might rob ourselves of the support we might need in the future if this fleeting connection comes crumbling down on us.
According to research, our social capital, consisting of quality friendships and social relationships apart from romantic partnerships, play a vital role in enhancing life satisfaction. Engaging in deep and frivolous conversations alike, sharing meals, and enjoying leisure activities together have been found to alleviate stress and promote overall well-being.
Furthermore, having a strong social network is important as it prevents the weighty responsibility of partners to solely be someone’s entire world. It allows individuals to have personal space, time, and independence, which are fundamental aspects of a healthy romantic relationship.
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4. You Become Jealous and Possessive
Infatuation can breed jealousy and possessiveness within us. As our connection deepens, we might become overly protective and possessive of our new love. We may even feel threatened by any attention or affection they give to or receive from others, fearing the loss of their interest. This insecurity drives us to monitor each and every interaction of theirs.
One study indicates that cognitive jealousy (thoughts and beliefs we have when we feel jealous) and surveillance behaviors (actively monitoring our partner’s activities) contribute to relationship dissatisfaction. And this dissatisfaction is further intensified when individuals engage in rumination or are constantly obsessing over the feelings of jealousy.
To address and manage jealousy, opting for a healthier pathway might be the key. You can avoid excessive rumination and controlling behaviors through the practice of mindfulness, self-reflection, and open communication with your partner as evidenced in a study published in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. The study found that dispositional mindfulness plays a key role in understanding romantic jealousy, and is also negatively related to cognitive and behavioral jealousy.
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Conclusion
It is important to distinguish between love and infatuation to make informed decisions about our relationships. While infatuation can be exhilarating, it is often short-lived and based on an idealized perception of the other person. Recognizing the signs early can help us navigate our emotions more effectively and avoid potential disappointment.
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