Break-ups often leave us feeling vulnerable, confused and questioning our romantic choices. It also doesn’t help when an ex-partner just won’t stay away.
A “boomerang ex” refers to an ex-partner who repeatedly comes back into your life after a breakup. They may try to revisit old memories, bringing up past experiences and special moments shared together in an attempt to rekindle the relationship.
Such an ex might reappear through messages, calls or unexpected visits, using nostalgia and emotional appeals to draw you back in. This recurring behavior creates a cycle of reconciliation and separation, making it difficult for both parties to move on and establish new relationships, often leading to emotional turmoil and exhaustion.
As difficult as it is, it becomes essential to make a decision about keeping them in your life or letting them go for good.
Here are three steps to help you tackle the return of a persistent ex-partner.
1. Remember Why The Relationship Had To End
A boomerang ex’s persuasive arguments and their “version of events” can easily cloud your judgment, making you doubt your decision to walk away. To save yourself from self-doubt, take an honest inventory of the relationship dynamics, including any unhealthy behavioral patterns, misaligned values or unresolved conflicts that resulted in its dissolution.
Interestingly, it is relatively unpleasant to make decisions that are sentimental in nature, since one has to manage a wider variety of emotions while making them. The decision to give your ex another chance is particularly emotionally charged, requiring greater efforts to regulate these emotions.
So, reaching a conclusion about your relationship can be a daunting task you might be unwilling to face. However, staying stuck in limbo can hamper your judgment and emotional well-being.
By revisiting the reasons for the breakup, you can gain clarity and perspective on why the relationship was not sustainable. This can help you make decisions that align with your values and long-term happiness rather than succumbing to the allure of a past relationship that may no longer serve your best interests.
2. Seek Unbiased Opinions From Your Support System
Navigating heartbreak can make it difficult to view one’s relationship objectively and you may be heavily swayed by positive memories and feelings of love. Seeking the support and opinions of close friends and family can help you approach your ex with greater clarity.
A 2018 study found that individuals reach out to their close friends and parents to seek advice about romantic relationships. This is because their loved ones not only want them to be happy, but also want them to be in a healthy state of mind and body. Your well-wishers can help you gain a more nuanced perception of your ex-relationship as they are invested in your well-being.
“I listen to them because they allow me to see the situation from other points of view or to have a comparison. I do not listen to everybody’s opinion but I value the opinions of two or three of my friends,” explains a participant from the study.
3. Express Your Thoughts Assertively
Once you have reached a decision about whether to reopen the door on your relationship, you now have to effectively communicate your stance to your ex. This will clarify your intentions for the future and diminish the stress of ambivalence and uncertainty.
A 2022 study published in Personal Relationships concluded that uncertainty about one’s own thoughts and their relationship can result in emotional turbulence and an unwillingness to communicate. However, research shows that direct communication with a romantic partner is best when serious problems—such as the decisive end to a relationship—need to be addressed.
A boomerang ex is only likely to leave your life when strong boundaries are drawn between you. Consequently, expelling any uncertainties about your relationship, while emotionally taxing and unpleasant, can ultimately bring you clarity and peace, leading you to healthier, more fulfilling relationships as you begin to move forward.
Wondering how your breakup is impacting you? Take this psychological assessment to find out: Breakup Distress Scale
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