-Please don’t talk about your child’s academic issues with other parents- how they are doing in school, where they are applying to college, where they got into college, etc.
-Be generous with honest praise unrelated to school performance. Tell your children how proud you are when they are sensitive to someone else’s feelings, when they went out of their way to help someone else, when they overcame an obstacle, when they really dedicated themselves to something, even it they did not experience success.
-Choose one day a week to discuss any academic issues Choose one day a week to discuss any college issues. Don’t talk about them any other time.
-Talk to your kids about their schedule and their workload, both now and in the future. Tell them they do not have to push themselves so hard.
-Do talk to your kids about the workload your students have. If you feel the school or teachers are not being sensitive to student needs and promoting student health, share your concerns with supervisors and/or administrators.
-Let your children know you will support them in making the right decisions for their future.
-Give kids both the emotional and academic help they need when they seem to be struggling.
-Don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions: Are you happy? Do you feel over-stressed? Are you depressed/anxious? What can we do to help?
-Let your children know that you do not expect anything of them other than for them to be happy and to feed their soul.
-Confer with your child’s counselor if you are worried.
-Look for changes in sleep, appetite, weight, affect.
-Monitor their sleep habits and social media usage. If they are staying up very late on social media, work out a system to limit its use after a certain hour.
-Let your child know that college is about finding the right fit, not going to the most selective college they can get into. Do not speak about specific college choices before the junior year.
-Immediately seek professional help if you think there is any potential for the student to harm themself.
-Your job as a parent is to make sure your child is safe and healthy. If you find yourself needing to push your child to the limits, realize that this may be your issue, not theirs. Speak to a counselor or therapist if you feel you cannot help yourself from doing this.
-Do what you can to enable your child to make decisions about their own future. Remind them that aspirations and motivation must go hand in hand. If a child’s aspirations are such that they are being crushed with academic work, sports, activities, etc. you may want to have a discussion about changing to aspirations that do not require this.
-This can feel like a treadmill that is just going faster and faster to kids. If they are always feeling that they need to do more; more activities, more sports, higher level classes, more test prep, you need to give them the tools to make the decision to get off the treadmill. They do not need to participate in sports and activities that do not fulfill them. It is okay to drop to a more realistic course load Let them know that you will support them in their decisions.
-Be self-aware. If you feel your discussions with your child most frequently are about things they haven’t done or need to do more of, think of two things: 1) what is a different way to communicate without making the child feel inadequate or pressured? and 2) what needs do you have that are leading you to do this?
-If your child is struggling, reach out to your child’s counselor. Have the student take advantage of help within the school: counselors, student assistance counselors, tutors, teacher’s office hours.
-Ask for honest feedback from teachers about whether the student is properly placed, is motivated to succeed, is content and healthy, regularly does their work.
-Try not to micromanage or nag. Instead, set up clear expectations and consequences and follow through on them, if necessary.
-Let your children experience failure and help them through it when they do. Parent from behind, supporting them when they need you, not from the front by fighting their battles for them.
-If there are issues with a teacher or other school personnel, let them work it through first before you intercede.
-Avoid managing their lives: waking them up, managing their medication, checking over their homework. Your job is both to protect them, but, more importantly, to give them the tools to protect and advocate for themselves.
-Take any opportunity you can to have fun with your children.
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