Setting goals is the first step to accomplishing anything meaningful. Follow through, of course, is a major challenge. Just ask anyone who runs a health club. Memberships spike in January (people want to lose that holiday corpulence), but by March or April they’re nowhere to be seen.
Wendy Leshgold and Lisa McCarthy have built a team of facilitators, coaches and engagement managers who have trained more than 100,000 people in how to set and reach life-changing goals. They even set a bold timetable, offering a system they say produces success in 12 months. Their book is FAST FORWARD: 5 Power Principles to Create the Life You Want in Just One Year.
You’ll recognize the names of some of their clients: Amazon, Tik Tok, Meta, Google, JPMorgan Chase. But their ideas are just as relevant to solo practitioners or stay-at-home parents.
Many people miss opportunities for personal growth because they’re risk averse. So, what’s the key to breaking the play-it-safe habit?
Leshgold says risk aversion is a tough habit to break because of the brain’s bias toward predictability and how it focuses on what we might lose rather than what we might gain.
“It takes two steps to override our programming,” she says. “First, acknowledge the costs. What is staying safe and comfortable costing you in terms of your fulfillment, results, or potential? Second, give yourself a vision of the future so compelling to play for you don’t have a choice but to go for it. Fast forward one year from today. What does extraordinary success look like, including how you’ve grown personally and professionally? Make your answer compelling by being bold, being highly specific, and being vivid in how you describe the future.”
What seem to be the most common limiting beliefs that hold people back from stretching for bold aspirations? Leshgold says the hands down winner is “there aren’t enough hours in the day.” Although it may not feel true, we have exactly enough time for what’s important to us. All the other limiting beliefs are a close second, she says, because they’re some version of “That’s not possible for me because …” or “I don’t have what it takes” or “Somebody won’t support me in achieving it” or “My circumstances prevent it.” Leshgold says our limiting beliefs about all the ways we’re not good enough tend to be the stickiest.
What role does reaffirming language play in a person’s ability to transform vision into reality? McCarthy once did an exercise that required her to ask people in her life what she was known for. Everyone said “being really busy” because that’s what she told them and herself every day. “My frenetic energy and multitasking were having a negative impact on others and on my relationships,” she says. “To change, I didn’t start with a list of new behaviors or habits. I started with my language and wrote a bold vision: ‘I am calm and present. I make time for the people and things that matter.’ It was borderline fantasy, but it helped me communicate how I wanted to show up, hold myself accountable, and ask others to do the same. Within a few months, the change was dramatic.”
McCarthy says a written vision, like the one she gave herself but for your whole life, builds your belief that something is possible and then continuously reaffirms that belief.
There’s no doubt that workplace cultures play a significant role in people’s ability to function productively. So, how can leaders help create and maintain cultures that encourage people to chase lofty dreams?
“Cultures are built on the thinking and behaviors of individuals,” McCarthy says. “Start there. Give people tools and strategies for getting clear about what they want to play for. Then you can make it safe to be transparent and to fail, and you can be supportive. One person we know shared a bold goal of going for a promotion with their manager. The manager said, essentially, ‘Somebody like you will never succeed in that position.’ It was a wasted opportunity. Another client went to their manager with a bold vision to move to a different department and career—and the manager helped them do it! That person stayed with the company and became an engaged and valuable leader.”
McCarthy says it’s important to enlist others in our quest for a bold achievement.
“Bold goals require personal commitment, motivation, and accountability, which are hard to generate all on your own. Reading your vision out loud to others creates a ‘shared reality’ in your thinking that boosts your belief and motivation. And your boldest goals likely involve your team at work or your family at home. You might be uncomfortable asking people for their support, for resources, or to hold you accountable, but no one we’ve ever met has regretted it.”
There’s no doubt that the stories we tell ourselves affect our ability to achieve.
“Our stories are the lens through which we see the world,” Leshgold says. “Because of how the brain creates them and then collects ‘evidence’ to confirm them, we relate to them like they’re ‘the truth.’ And if something is the truth, there can’t be any other possibilities, right?”
Leshgold tells of one client who had been “forced” to take a new leadership role to turn around a struggling team. “This is never going to work,” the woman said “I don’t know the department and I don’t want the job.” Leshgold says that with that perspective, ghe woman and her new team were cut off from their potential to succeed. “The most important thing she could control was her perspective,” Leshgold says. “After some sleepless nights, she recognized the high cost of her story—and chose to start telling herself a more empowering one: This is an amazing opportunity to help a talented team, showcase my leadership, and accelerate my career. She absolutely thrived in the role.”
In managing one’s life (workloads, commitments, relationships, etc.), what’s the key to shifting from reactive to intentional?
Leshgold says the first step in being more intentional with your time and energy is to recognize where and how you’re being reactive, and the cost of those behaviors to your productivity, confidence, or well-being. “I realized the cost of my addiction to my phone when my husband said to me, ‘I’m right here. Can you pay attention to me, please?’ My phone had buzzed and I picked it up while he was telling me an important story. Only then could I start replacing my Pavlovian behaviors with more intentional habits. I started putting my phone out of reach for blocks of time and during important conversations. It made a massive difference in my connection with others and my own sense of peace.”
Many people feel guilty when they decline someone else’s request. McCarthy has some advice on how to say no.
“When you say yes to things that aren’t important to you, you’re letting other people control your time and focus,” she says. “When you say no—appropriately—you take control back. You give yourself permission to say yes to something that does matter—your own goals and priorities. Focus on what you’re saying yes to and over time, you’ll build your conviction. A practical strategy we use is creating a ‘Say No’ list, which is a list of things that you’ll start saying no to because they always pull you off course.”
A critical part of people’s effectiveness in life is the way they handle conversations. McCarthy and Leshgold suggest planning for important conversations.
“If an important conversation or meeting is worth having, it’s worth 15 minutes of preparation so you make things happen,” McCarthy says. “We always start with this question: With your audience in mind, what is the desired outcome? At the end of the conversation, what will your audience believe, feel, and do? How will they benefit? With a clear desired outcome, it’s easier to make recommendations and requests, to handle objections, and to leave people clear on actions and next steps.”
Most people seem to acknowledge that effective listening is important in relationships—but they’re still not as good at it as they may assume. Leshgold offers some sound advice on how people can get more curious and improve their listening.
“Intentional listening is a habit you can build with a few key behaviors,” she says. “Start by shifting your brain activity with slower, deeper breathing. It helps you focus. Get rid of distractions so you can be fully present. Send the right cues with your body language—face the person, make eye contact, lean in. Don’t interrupt. If there’s a pause, ask open-ended questions that help the person go deeper on the subject. And if you check out—you will—notice it and check back in. Try it. You’ll be surprised by how interested you become and how connected you feel.”
As for the “one year” approach to goal achievement, you might ask if 12 months is really enough time to change your life or career substantially. “It may seem like an overpromise,” Leshgold says, “but the one-year timeframe works and is based on brain science. It’s near enough for you to be highly specific about what you want, which is logically motivating. And it’s distant enough for you to be bold, which is emotionally inspiring because you’ll have time to grow and develop new habits. And because your actions in the present are directly correlated to the future you believe is possible, you start seeing positive results quickly.”
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