By the end of Fear The Walking Dead’s seventh season, I thought to myself “Surely it can’t get any worse than this!” After all, Morgan and his motely crew were stuck in Texas after nuclear bombs turned it into a radiant wasteland, and none of them thought to actually leave. Instead, they waged war over a single office building that Strand had somehow, miraculously, turned into a thriving community, with yoga classes and gardens and a collection of fine art.
It was a truly terrible season of television. Breathtakingly bad. Written by people who apparently have never actually had a conversation with other human beings. Many of the cast saw the writing on the wall and quit the show. Keith Carradine’s John Dorie Sr. was killed off. Even long-time original cast member Alycia Debnam-Carey bailed by the end. Greener pastures await her, I’ve no doubt.
But I was wrong. As ludicrous as Season 7 was—and this was a season where numerous shots were from the perspective of people wearing gas masks to protect themselves from the orange radiation clouds—I think Season 8 is even worse. This show is almost always terrible, but up to this point there was usually something I enjoyed about it. John Dorie (Garret Dillahunt) was a fun character. And I always liked Alicia even when she was written into stupid corners. The showrunners have sorely abused Strand (Colman Domingo) but he’s still fun whenever he’s onscreen.
Season 8, so far, hasn’t even had a single scene with Strand. The entire first half of the season—which is currently on break before AMC airs its final six episodes—is centered around Morgan. There’s been a 7 year time-jump and his and Grace’s adoptive daughter, Mo, has grown up in PADRE, the community Alicia was trying to find in Season 7 (which, it turns out, is on the Georgia coast hundreds and hundreds of miles away from Texas for some bizarre reason).
I won’t bore you with all the details. Suffice to say, for some absolutely mind-boggling reason, Morgan, Grace, June, Dwight and Sherry all agreed to work for PADRE for the last 7 years. They were separated from one another and from their children. Dwight and Sherry’s son grew up without them. Both he and Mo were played by teenagers, despite the fact that they would be 7 and 8 respectively, and it’s glaringly obvious they’re not even close to the correct ages. Dwight and Sherry’s kid is played by a 15-year-old actor who, though small, looks like a teenager, not a 7-year-old. Whoever was in charge of casting should never work in the TV industry again.
Neither should these awful, talentless showrunners who have spent the last five seasons making sure that Fear The Walking Dead was the laughing stock of cable television.
Madison, meanwhile, has been locked up for this entire time. She makes a daring escape and takes Mo with her but are caught by Morgan (Lennie James) who almost kills Madison and then tells Mo he has to take her back to PADRE. We learn a few things after this:
- PADRE has been using radiation to try and cure zombie bites. It has mixed success.
- Walkie-talkies are still the most powerful gadgets ever created, with infinite range and batteries that would make the Energizer Bunny blush.
- Daniel is now the leader of a group of parents trying to get their kids back from PADRE. He cured his dementia with veggie juice. No joke.
- PADRE is run by two siblings whose motivation for kidnapping kids is perhaps the dumbest thing in the history of TV.
- Everyone at PADRE calls each other by bird names like Shrike, Wren, Nightingale and so forth. I dubbed myself Pterodactyl so that I could join in on the fun.
The only silver lining about Season 8 so far is that Episode 6 was the final Morgan episode. Now we’re back to a Madison-focused show, though the only other remaining original cast members are Daniel (Ruben Blades) and Strand. Kim Dickens returned to the show that used to be hers just in time for its very worst season yet, and I have very little hope that the next six episodes will be any better. Troy Otto (Daniel Sharman) appears to be returning as the villain, but I expect everyone will talk like robots, have bizarre motivations for everything they do, and will get into one gimmicky conflict after another. Most of the dialogue will be stilted exposition taking place on walkie-talkies. Someone will probably say they have to make up for all the bad things they’ve done.
How they managed to make this season even worse than all the gobsmackingly horrible ones that came before truly boggles the mind. I am in awe. It takes a rare talent to make something this bad.
You know what it is.
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